Houdini applauds the gag again
by callmesandy
Summary: Amy moved out of the house into her parents' place. (post tornado) (jonah x amy)


For the trope bingo square: MATCHMAKER, title from aimee mann's true believer. No profit, not mine. Thanks thanks to Ff for beta magic help!

* * *

Amy moved out of the house into her parents' place. Her tiny room was the one she would share with Emma when Emma stayed over. Emma stayed over a lot, in the first phase of their slightly chaotic new arrangement. Adam had gotten a job out of nowhere and was making more than Amy. She should have been thrilled. But it felt like bullshit.

She told Jonah and added, "Like, he couldn't get a job when everything was falling apart and it might have helped, but the minute I'm out the door, he has all the motivation in the world."

Dina said, "Be glad you don't have to pay alimony. Especially now that he's making more than you."

"You could get alimony and child support," Cheyenne said. She nodded enthusiastically.

"He's not making that much more than me," Amy said. "I think we'll both be fine not paying each other anything."

"If you don't ask for it, he will," Dina said.

Jonah said, "Either way, it's nice that he can help contribute for Emma's sake, right?"

"Whatever," Dina said. "Why are you even here? This is girl's talk." She shooed him off.

"I actually started out talking to Jonah," Amy said. "You came over here."

"Well, we only see each other when we're working at this store which for me is only 3 days a week. The other 2 I'm in that dump," Dina said.

"I hate switching stores all the time," Cheyenne said. "When will our store be back?"

"Not soon enough," Dina said.

"I know," Amy said.

"You know what?" Dina clapped Amy on the back with more force than necessary, as always. "We need a ladies lunch, but at night."

"Girls night out," Cheyenne said. "That sounds fun!"

"It does," Amy said. "It actually does."

"I'm on top of it," Dina said. "I've already got a great plan."

She winked at Amy which sent a shiver of fear down her spine. She tried to find Jonah later, but first he was talking to Dina and then his shift was over and he was waving goodbye to her as he hurried out.

Dina's girls night out turned out to not include Dina or Cheyenne. When Amy got there, it was just Jonah, looking confused. "Oh, no," Amy says.

"Okay, it's all Dina's fault, I'm not here because of, I'm here because Dina told me to come. She said Garrett and Sandra would be here," Jonah said.

"Sandra? You were lured here by the idea of partying with Sandra?"

"She got some moves on her," Jonah said. "We've been assigned to the same store most days. Those guys are really cliquey, you know? So Sandra and I have been bonding a little."

"Not boning? Not that that would stop Dina's matchmaking. I bet she's bragging about this in a really creepy way," Amy said. "I haven't been avoiding you."

"I know you haven't," Jonah said. "Sandra has a boyfriend."

"Oh, that's so nice," Amy said. "She didn't make him up this time."

Once they were over the awkward, they started just talking and they both had something to drink but not too much. But she was sort of giddy and Adam had Emma so she could justify driving over to Jonah's apartment which she'd never seen. They also each had one more beer.

"I've never been here before," Amy said.

"You keep saying that. You know who else has never been here before? Dina. Sandra. Cheyenne," Jonah was sitting on the couch with her, just at the other end.

"So you never have people over," Amy said.

"Not work friends," Jonah said. "I have friends who don't work at Cloud 9. I have more people I would consider actual friends than friends at Cloud 9. Just like you, I'm sure."

"Oh, sure." Amy started to think of her friends. She'd been working at Cloud 9 a long time. "On the other hand, more than half your furniture is from Cloud 9."

Jonah nodded and laughed. "That is embarrassingly true. But at least 40% percent is from thrift stores and uh, craigslist."

"Did they have quirky stories that drew you in?"

Jonah smiled again. He smiled so much. With her. He didn't smile as much with Sandra, Amy would bet. Jonah said, "Just the one chair. Everything else I just liked the look of it. For when I have friends over. Like you," Jonah said, poking her with his foot. Covered in sock.

Amy was slightly drunk. Not drunk like she was going to get a tattoo and have a huge hangover but drunk like happy and not too self-conscious and not bogged down being divorced. She was going to be divorced. She was less happy.

Jonah said, "Hey, Amy." He was closer to her now. "I don't know if this will make you feel better, but there's this actual documentary about Cloud 9 on netflix we could watch. It's about a store in Kansas, not Missouri, but I watched a little bit and it was eerie."

She started laughing hysterically. "No, wow, no. Um, let's, instead we should netflix and chill."

Jonah blushed but he didn't move away from her. "You're making a joke."

"No," Amy said. She just had to lean closer and then they were kissing. Second kiss. But this time Amy grabbed his hands and pushed him down. So she could be on top. Jonah responded to all of it. He held her waist and then pushed up her t-shirt. She thought it was girls night, she didn't wear anything sexy. She wore a commemorative t-shirt from her cousin's quinceanera's swag bag. Now he had her shirt over her breasts.

She sat up and took off the t-shirt. The bra was much prettier. It was pink with polka dots. It was not from Cloud 9, thank goodness.

Jonah said very earnestly, "You're beautiful."

"I knew you'd say that," Amy said. She undid the bra from behind and shrugged it off.

"I'm gonna say it again, because wow. You're really beautiful."

"Sexy, even," Amy said. She leaned back into him so he could touch her, her breasts, kiss her. Which he did. He was so excited to be with her, she was even more turned on by him.

Also, it was Jonah, and he made her laugh, he thought she was brilliant and sexy and made her feel that way, too. She could feel that he was hard. She reached for his belt. She said, loudly, "You're, like, the fifth guy I've had sex with. Fourth. It's not just Adam and then you or something."

"Okay," Jonah said. "Okay. Um, are you allergic to latex? When we actually do have sex, I have condoms. But they're latex."

"They're not the Cloud 9 ones, right? There was a recall we didn't actually tell customers about," Amy said. She sat back and pulled down her pants and underwear. So she was naked. Naked, about to have sex. She could do this. She wanted to do this. A lot. She said, "But, you have a bed. Let's do it there."

"Okay, okay," Jonah said. "You're seriously gorgeous, by the way."

"Thank you," Amy said. "You're cute."

She somehow got to the bedroom without being overwhelmed by the naked in Jonah's bedroom experience. She was about to be divorced. This is what she wanted. She wasn't repeating it to convince herself, she was affirming. Jonah came into the room in just his boxers. He was really pale. She laughed. He got on the bed next to her, touching her stomach and trailing his hand down to between her legs. "You find me hilarious when I'm almost naked. Thanks, Amy."

"No, you're just pale," Amy said. "You're really pale. Ghost like."

"I don't have much time to tan," Jonah said. "I don't really tan, actually."

He spread her legs and moved down there. He said, "Is this okay? If you want something or want to do something else? Or, if you want to stop."

"I don't want to stop and I really want you to go down on me," Amy said. She stopped herself from reaching for the light, she wanted to see him. She closed her eyes and grabbed at his hair. He was eager, not too eager, maybe it was because she hadn't had this in a while. She really loved that he wanted to go down on her and was doing it. She said, "More, more of that, that right there."

He responded immediately, he was so great. She was very very happy, she came way quicker than she expected, not in a bad way. "Get up here," she said. She tugged at his hair and as he got on top of her, she pulled down his boxers. She reached for his dick and was not disappointed. She so wanted this.

He got the condom on, blushing a little. She was really a little taken by his face. By all of him. They had sex and she came again to her own surprise. He made a ridiculous face and she giggled again. "This is great," she said. "I love when sex is fun, you know?"

"Yeah," he said.

His bathroom was predictably clean and weirdly neat. She got back on the bed. She should get dressed. Or she could stay here, she actually didn't have work in the morning. If it was okay with Jonah. She was making a lot of assumptions. This was basically a first date. A great first date. "But still, just a first date," Amy said.

"Right," Jonah said. "A first date. But great, can I say that? This is good. I would love a second date, by the way."

"I think we can do that," Amy said. "I really want to. This isn't a rebound."

"Right," Jonah said. "I mean, what's a rebound, really?"

"It's the relationship after you get divorced," Amy said. "I'm getting a divorce, so this is a rebound."

"Ouch," Jonah said. "I'm not taking that personally."

"You are taking it personally," Amy said. "I'm sorry. I'm thinking a lot, you know. I wasn't thinking and I was happy and we had sex and that was awesome and now it's like, oh, I have to go home to my parents' tiny house and my guestroom. Which has two twin beds squeezed in so Emma has a place to stay with me. But that's okay. Maybe I should ask for child support."

Jonah said, "I'm uncomfortable talking about your child support naked." He got off the bed and she grabbed his hand.

"Sorry, get back here. I'm freaking out, but I'm not freaking out about you or this. It's this in the abstract. I'm getting divorced, I'm having sex with someone else."

"But that's not about me," Jonah said. "Amy, we don't have to have a second date if you need to, whatever you need to."

"I want a second date," Amy said. "I'm sort of used to dumping stuff on you but maybe I should call someone else."

"Sure, take your phone to the bathroom," Jonah said.

She smiled at him. "I'm kidding about the phone thing. God, I was thinking about calling Cheyenne. That's just sad."

"Not Glen?"

"Glen is so upset I'm getting a divorce," Amy said. "I'm upset I'm getting a divorce but it's the right thing to do, Glen is just upset."

"You can still unload on me," Jonah said. "Maybe not about me, but other things. Or about me, but when it's a relationship thing, our relationship."

"We have a relationship now," Amy said.

"We've had for a while," Jonah said. "A friendship, a weird bad flirting relationship. Now we're something else." He gestured with his hands.

She echoed the gesture. "That kind of relationship."

"Exactly," Jonah said. "You can stay here. If you want."

"I do want," Amy said.

"That's great," Jonah said.


End file.
